Automaton

Google came back with this result when I looked up Automaton: “a moving mechanical device made in imitation of a human being.” and “a machine that performs a function according to a predetermined set of coded instructions, especially one capable of a range of programmed responses to different circumstances.”

That sounds like the subconscious to me.

After all, aren’t we programmed from birth (out of necessity), to observe, catalog, and create responses based on outer stimuli in order to crawl, walk, eat, deal with danger, procreate and interact with our fellow automatons?

Survival is rule number one and if we didn’t have this automation, we wouldn’t have enough brain power left over to reason, let alone question or thrive. Background programs serve an important function but garbage in, garbage out.

I am a product of my programming and it drives me nuts that I “get” things on a cognitive level only to be completely unable to reason with what’s been emblazoned in my subconscious over decades.

That programming takes the helm when I’m under stress.

I’ve been under so much lately, my reptilian brain is driving the car of me towards the nearest brick wall. Fortunately though, I’ll be there to meet it, already having taken a sledge hammer to it. I like metaphors.

What’s unnerving to me is how little control I have at such times. I become hyper-sensitive and aggressive. Inanimate objects historically don’t stand a chance if they intervene in my life at the wrong microsecond.

I’m a veteran and have been diagnosed with PTSD which would explain a lot but the VA doesn’t agree with the medical professionals. I don’t usually talk about this but it sure fills in a lot of blanks theoretically.

I recently read that playing Tetris at the right moment while recalling traumatic events can scramble things enough to help. This is the type of stuff that piques my interest the most. You can’t put those shapes into those spaces at the same time as you experience tremendous emotion, at least that seems like how it might work to me.

I want to reprogram. It’s my keenest interest when it comes to mental health. Sure, forgiveness and healing are a way through but I tend to want to go with the most effective method available and that seems to be through mechanisms related to neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity involves literally changing the way synapses route our thoughts through our brains…I think. I’m not an expert. Metaphorically, it seems to involve taking the needle off the record player that is our subconscious and ideally, placing it on a more favorable track.

If I am an old vinyl, perhaps I just need to melt in the sun on a shelf on a hot sunny day next to an old Jimmy Hendrix record. I’m already warped as it is. Regardless, I’m looking for whatever method works best and fastest. The brain-game techniques sound the most promising to me and I’m looking for more on those.

I’ve gone from being an automaton to a old record sitting on a shelf but I hope you get the idea. We’re coded, cut, programmed and if that’s the case, those same processes can be utilized to help us feel better.

Published by ldinlove

I am an eccentric blogger and artist. I used to live off-grid, which makes for some great stories. :)

2 thoughts on “Automaton

  1. Im actually reading a book at this time about the ‘hot’ brain and the ‘cool’ brain – discussions about automatic responses and how to catch and reframe them. Its interesting and ties in pretty well with what you are saying here I think. I too, am lying on the shelf in the sun, slowly melting. It’s nice to know I’m not alone there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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