Google came back with this result when I looked up Automaton: “a moving mechanical device made in imitation of a human being.” and “a machine that performs a function according to a predetermined set of coded instructions, especially one capable of a range of programmed responses to different circumstances.” That sounds like the subconscious toContinue reading “Automaton”

Snow Is Black

It might as well be because then it would have been color coordinated with my mood on Christmas yesterday. I spent most of the day in bed because I felt worthless. Nothing like the holidays to bring up thoughts, feelings and emotions you didn’t remember having or that even existed. Nothing like a couple ofContinue reading “Snow Is Black”

Hap Hap Happy Fucking Christmas!

This is the blog where I drop the pretenses and rip off the wrapping paper with the shiny bows and labels attached. Most likely, there’s a lump of coal underneath. That would be my heart. I’m kidding. I’m not desperately depressed like I have been in years past but I’m aware that I’m not yourContinue reading “Hap Hap Happy Fucking Christmas!”

Roller Coaster

I’ve never been diagnosed with manic-depressive disorder but I seem to suffer from mood regulation issues. Out of the “blue”, I’ll get depressed – no matter what is going on in my life. The “episodes” usually last one or two days, sometimes longer, regardless of how happy I “should” be. I can’t shake the darkContinue reading “Roller Coaster”


Ever feel wrong? Like it’s you against the world only THEY are the good guys? Ever feel excluded? Like the world is a party only you’re the only one not invited?Ever feel guilty? Like everything is your fault?Ever feel angry? At every human being on the planet because people are too complicated?Ever feel disliked? LikeContinue reading “Wrong”

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