Automaton

Google came back with this result when I looked up Automaton: “a moving mechanical device made in imitation of a human being.” and “a machine that performs a function according to a predetermined set of coded instructions, especially one capable of a range of programmed responses to different circumstances.” That sounds like the subconscious toContinue reading “Automaton”

Roller Coaster

I’ve never been diagnosed with manic-depressive disorder but I seem to suffer from mood regulation issues. Out of the “blue”, I’ll get depressed – no matter what is going on in my life. The “episodes” usually last one or two days, sometimes longer, regardless of how happy I “should” be. I can’t shake the darkContinue reading “Roller Coaster”

Responsibility

Where does self accountability and responsibility for oneself begin and end? How much belongs to others? It revolves around free will or choice, I believe, but a good portion of our choices are motivated by conditioning or come from the subconscious which in turn may be influenced by our genetics. Those aspects of ourselves areContinue reading “Responsibility”

Like Broken Glass

I feel fragile right now; transparent and easily cracked. Like a well-engineered glass sculpture or building that has been compromised, I need to close temporarily for repairs. Less than a week ago, radicalized Trump supporters overran our nation’s Capitol and threatened our Democracy like we haven’t seen in our lifetimes – nor have our Grandparents.Continue reading “Like Broken Glass”

The Imposter Is Me

Remember how, at the end of the movie The Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis finds out he’s been dead all along? Can you imagine the shock of finding out something about yourself that is a total game changer? I had an epiphany yesterday. I realized for the first time in my life that I am anContinue reading “The Imposter Is Me”

Lockdown

The lockdown is a new concept for most people because of the pandemic. I read a lot of stories about the depression, suicide, and boredom that seem to accompany social isolation and I think I know (kind of) what’s wrong with me. Wrong – that word insinuates that I’m broken so let’s try again: “up”Continue reading “Lockdown”

Contents Under Pressure

I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle lately and he talks about the pain body.  It’s basically a sort of being that is a part of you that feeds off of emotion. I find the concept plausible and fascinating and I like metaphors. My pain body is obese. It has plenty to eat. A whole smorgasbord, openContinue reading “Contents Under Pressure”

Is This It?

I’m in my fifties. If I was able to change, should I have been able to do so by now or is this it? It’s a harsh question to ask oneself but sometimes I do. I’ve been in counseling forever and I’ve engaged in cognitive behavioral therapy. I’ve tried methods I’ve learned from various professionalsContinue reading “Is This It?”

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